In the Morning

Satisfy us in the morning with your steadfast love, that we may rejoice and be glad all our days. Psalm 90:14

I have been learning lately about how important it is to seek God in the morning. I am often very bad at this because of my desire to sleep as long as possible in the morning. The verse above and several other verses have reminded me that starting off my morning by seeking the Lord's presence is the best way to begin the day. The more that I do this, the more God reveals himself to me. All of this is not to say that God does not show himself to us other times of the day, but that there is just something special about the morning. There is something about the sunrise that reminds me of forgiveness. No matter what I did the day before, the morning always brings a chance to start over and a chance to make things right. 

The Goodbye Waves In The Driveway They Just Resonate

The one thing I hate about being at camp all summer is saying goodbye. It is hard to finally start getting to know people just to watch them leave. I know I will have to do this many more times this summer and I do not look forward to it, but I am so thankful for many new friends.

Week Three

As most of you probably already know from my facebook status, I solo guided my first white water rafting trip on Friday. I also fell out of the boat on the first rapid. We hit a rock and from there I don't really know what happened. I just know that I was in the water, which by the way is a lot colder when you entire body is submerged in it. I felt like I couldn't breathe the water was so cold. I floated down the river for a little while, the people in my boat pulled over to the side, I swam to them, and got back in the boat. I was pretty tense for the rest of the trip. Every time we hit a big rapid or a rock everyone in my boat would turn around and look to make sure I was still there. It was quite funny. It was a good trip and I learned a lot of things. I am excited/nervous about the trip we will be taking this coming week. 

It is interesting to see how each group is different. We had one group at the beginning of the week and another one came Wednesday. They were all middle schoolers, but completely different kids. I guess it has a lot to do with what they have been exposed to or the way they were raised. I am not totally sure. The second group seemed a lot harder to reach. At times I was really discouraged, but by the end of the week some of them really started to open themselves up to God. It was really cool to watch and cool to be a part of. We are getting another group today. I think it is going to be a mixture of middle schoolers and high schoolers. I am excited about this because, although, I have had some good experiences with the last three middle school groups, I fell drawn to high school students. I'm excited to see how lives are changed this week. Please continue praying for us. 

Cramps,Rafting, and Cookies

In my family people tend to get muscle cramps quit often. By muscle cramps I don't mean something that causes a little pain for a moment and then goes away. The kind of muscle cramps we get cause pain that can last for hours. When the cramps first hit we tend to scream so loud that the people around us stop everything they are doing to see what is happening. Since I have been at camp I have experience several of these. For some reason they have all taken place on the river. The first few times I was on a river I experienced mild foot cramps. They weren't bad, but not good to have when trying to guide through a white water rapid. Then yesterday I went tubing with the group that is here. We went down the river four times and in the process I got two leg cramps and two foot cramps. These were not so mild! I screamed bloody murder and the people that were with me just laughed. I am sure if I was them I would have too. While I was stuck on a rock, trying to push myself off, I experienced one of the worst leg cramps I have ever had. I stuck my leg straight up in the air and just screamed. I tried for several minutes to work it out, but when you can't stand up because if you do the water will rush you downstream, it is kind of hard. I did end up getting the cramp out and getting myself off of the rock, but the tightness the cramp caused stayed in my leg for several hours. Needless to say I ate a banana and yogurt with lots of potassium for breakfast this morning.

Today I offically guided my first white water rafting boat...with a little help from Bill, of course. No one died and no one fell out. I take that back. The leader of the group actually did fall out, but it was all him. It had nothing to do with me. All in all I think it was a successful trip. I am nervous about guiding on my own and I have a lot to learn for sure, but I am really excited about it!

Another cool thing that happened today was that I recieved a package in the mail from some great friends. Billy, Megan, and Gabe sent me cookies and a picture Gabe drew. It was so sweet and brightened my day a whole lot. I am so thankful for the great friends that I have been given.

New Friends

I love making new friends! I guess that is good because it seems as though I am going to get to do that a lot this summer.
The first day I was in Bryson City I went to church with Bill and Edith. Some girls about my age introduced themselves to me and got my number. They said we should hang out. I assumed that meant we are going to talk about hanging out, but it probably wouldn't happen. I was wrong. This past Monday I went to eat dinner with Bill and Edith at their pastor's house. Those same girls were there. We got to hang out and learned more about one another. I ended up hanging out with them again last night. I went to Sylva, which is about forty five minutes away, and ate dinner with them. After dinner I went to their house and watched a movie with them and ended up spending the night. We had such a good time! They were such and encouragement to me. I feel like I really clicked with them. It seems like I have known them for a lot longer than I have. I was talking to Bill about these girls and he said that sometimes we feel that way because the Jesus in us knows the Jesus in them. I think he is right.

Today I Was Reminded of Why I Am Here

I went out on the river today. It was just Bill and another guy with me. They were teaching me how to guide. It was not nearly as scary as I thought it would be. It was actually a lot of fun and I am looking forward to guiding for groups. Rafting led to us watching an old camp video. It was the 2005 camp. For all of you that think you might have been there...it was the one when Davey Kimbro got whacked in the eye. Wow, was it fun watching that again! I love watching camp videos. I am so glad we watched the one today. It helped me remember why I wanted to be on staff here in the first place. Camps here were always so amazing! A lot of that can be attributed to Steve and I am so thankful that I had him as a youth pastor. Icthus is a great place and I am really excited about the rest of the summer!

Be Still and Know

We had our first group last week. They left Thursday. We don't have another one  until this coming Saturday. It's really weird being at the retreat center all alone. It's been more difficult at times than I would have imagined. I am really learning about being still. 

P.S. This is for you, Steve...we went tubing last week. My second time down the river, I got jacked up. I fell off the tube two times and just fell on some rocks another time. I have a couple of sweet bruises!

And So My Summer Begins

I am leaving for my favorite place in the world today (not that I have been to that many places, but still)! I am pumped about being in a place where I don't need air conditioning! It's going to be a good summer.  

Beautiful Jesus

Your love, oh God
Displayed for us
As crimson covered
Over sinless hands
Your majesty
For all to see
In raging storms and quiet cloudless days

Beautiful Jesus
Beautiful Savior
Nothing is greater, briliant Creator 
Friend of mine

You're powerful
Above this world
The universe is under your command

Your glory shines
A holy light
That leads our hearts to praise
Your holy name is on our lips

Beautiful Jesus
Beautiful Savior
Nothing is greater, briliant Creator 
Friend of mine
Perfect in power
Matchless in glory
Nothing is greater, brilliant Creator
Friend of mine

My lips will sing
My heart will bring
Praise to you, the holy King
My lips will sing
My heart will bring
Praise to you, holy!

I love this song and today it has reminded me of the beautiful thing Jesus did for the world. 

I am Tasting Bitter-Sweet

The semester is over! I ended up with four A's and one B...I am quit pleased with that. The funny thing about that is that I think this is the best semester I have had in college yet it is also the semester that I did the least amount of work. Or maybe it wasn't that I did less work, but rather that I stressed a lot less than I did before. I have felt a lot more free this semester, a lot more open to life in the moment. It has been amazing. Although I did well, I am glad it is over. Summer is much needed in regards to school work.

This year I have made a lot of really great friends. I have learned from them and felt more like they were my family than my friends. These people are the reason I am not glad the semester is over. We are all going different ways. Some people are staying in Auburn, some are going home, some are going to another country, and some to other places in the U.S. I will be spending my summer at camp Icthus in Bryson City, North Carolina. One part of me is extremely excited about this and is looking forward to what God is going to do in all of our lives, but the other part of me is sad about leaving. 

My entire life I have always been afraid of missing things. When I was a little kid I would wait as long as I could to go to sleep because I was afraid really cool stuff would happen when I was asleep. This is how I feel about this summer. Everyone's lives are going to go on and I feel like I am going to be missing something. And I guess the truth about this is that I will be missing something here, but another truth is that I will be experiencing something AMAZING where I will be. So I have to remember that. I can't live in the past semester or the past year; I can't anticipate what the fall will hold; I have to live where I am this summer. I have to be fully present in order to receive what God has for me and to be used in the way he wants to use me. I know the next few weeks I will experience many emotions: happiness, sadness, nervousness, joy, etc., but in all of those things I find God. I know that if I choose to let him he will grow me and show me amazing things this summer. 

Our Eucharist

"But what if Jesus meant something else-something beyond the ritual? What if he was talking about our actually enacting what the ritual is all about over and over, again and again, year after year? What if the 'do this' he primarily meant wasn't the ritual he was leading his disciples through at that moment. What if the 'do this' was his whole way of life...Maybe that's what he means when he says, 'Do this in remembrance of me.' The 'do this' part is our lives. Opening ourselves up to the mystery of resurrection, open for liberation of others, allowing our bodies to be broken and our blood to be poured, discovering our Eucharist. Listening. And going."

Throughout the past year the Eucharist/Communion/Lord's supper has come to be one of my favorite rituals. There is just something about sharing the body and blood of Christ with other followers that brings an amazing sense of joy and peace to my heart. Taking part in this makes me remember and reflect on why I live my life the way I do. For so long I took this tradition for granted. I took the bread and the juice with little thought. But Christ is calling us to observe this tradition with great thought! He was even so clever as to make this meal a symbol of what we as Christ followers are supposed to be: the broken body and the spilled blood of Christ. What a beautiful picture!! 

Pic-a-nic

Yesterday was Picnic in the Park. It went so well! We had over one hundred people come! We were provided with so much more food than we needed (and I was so worried about it ha). God did it. He took care of everything. It all came together. I feel so blessed to have been able to do something like this and I am so thankful for the people who helped pull it all together. It really was a beautiful thing!

The people from the neighborhood seemed to really be excited that the park was being used. I was told that no one really ever uses it and so they were glad to see people hanging out there together. A ton of kids came and it was so precious to watch some of my friends play kickball with them. It was so good to see, especially, how good the guys were with the kids. It was beautiful. There was also one couple that came who had not planned on coming. They just happened to be in park and so Jill and I went and told them they were invited to come eat if they wanted to. They did. They actually ended up staying until we were about to leave. I think they just wanted someone to talk to. It was so good to be able to be that person to them and to watch other people fulfill that role. The weather was beautiful, we made friends, ate good food, and had so much fun...what more could you ask from a Saturday in the Park?

I can't wait to do this again. Through experience God has taught me so much about trusting him. He has shown me that he will provided if I will just let him. I can't always have control of everything. He always provides exactly what we need and for that I am truly grateful. 

He Will Do It

Today marks exactly one week before Picnic in the Park. It has been such a larger project than I could have ever imagined. I've never been in charge of anything like this. I've never had an idea about something like this and tried to carry it out. It's a scary thing. It's a scary thing not knowing for sure how many people will come, how many people will volunteer, and if we will get enough food. God is teaching me to trust him. Right now that is the only thing I can do. 

On one hand some amazing things have happened during the planning for this. A guy Jill and I work with generously decided to donate 200 hot dogs and 100 hamburgers!! Also, I have had some amazing people to work with. Several friends have jumped on board with this idea and done so much. I am so thankful for them. There is no way this could have happened without them.

On the other hand I have been a little disappointed in some things while planning this picnic. I feel disappointed in the church. I contacted several local churches and christian organizations and no one even responded. I thought for sure that if someone would be willing to help with this it would be Christ followers. I guess I was wrong. Or maybe they just had other things going on(which I completely understand), but I just thought someone, anyone, would respond. Once again, I think God is trying to teach me to trust him. 

I often find myself worrying about this (because that is what I do), but I am constantly being reminded that God is in control. He is going to provide exactly what we need. He always does and he always will. This morning I was talking to Jill about it and she said she thinks food is just going to fall out of heaven. I think she said it half way jokingly, but she is right. God can do anything! Who am I to doubt that?!

Commit your way to the LORD,Trust also in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:5

Spring Break 2009...Skeeeeeeeeeeweek!!

My spring break did not start off the way I thought it would. Collin and I were planning a trip to Oregon to see Steve and Chelsea. Really late Thursday night Collin texted me and I found out that we were not going to be able to go. I was really sad. My spring break plans got cancelled the day before spring break started. Boo. I was not looking forward to the break too much after that, but that all changed after Friday night. A bunch of friends came over to my house to eat and watch the basketball game. It was such a good time. We played mad gab, watched the game, played and sang music really loud, and had some good conversation. It was an amazing night! Also that night I found out for sure that I could go to the beach with some friends.

So, Monday morning Kyle, Zeke, Cole, Lizzie, and I left for Bo's house in Ft. Walton. I don't know that I stopped laughing the entire time we were gone. The beach was great and we had a ton of fun together. As soon as everyone left each other I was already missing them a lot!(We actually made plans 3 hours after leaving one another to hang out today...haha) So, thus far I have had a really great spring break even though I thought it would not be so good. I am really excited to see what the rest of the week holds when Lizzie, Mrs. Wright, my mom, and I go back to the beach!!

Life as of Late

Can I just say that life is AMAZING right now? There are so many great things going on! 

Lent started last week. It is not only a time of fasting, but a time of being intentional about sharing Christ(we are to be doing this all the time anyway) and about spending time in prayer. Last week I went to an Ash Wednesday service. It was beautiful. There were lots of traditions that played a part in that service. When tradition is done with the right intentions I think it is one of the most beautiful things! During the service I felt such a deep connection with those around me. That service marked the start of forty days of really trying to deepen our relationships with Christ. It was amazing to be around so many people that wanted the same thing! I was very encouraged. Where I go to church we have been sharing in our lent experiences together. We have  a blog going where we can all study part of God's word together. I really feel that this is what the church is supposed to be. It is about people 

coming together in person, on facebook, via blogs, or through random texts messages and sharing in the journey of being a follower of Christ. I am really looking forward to the next thirty or so days!

Lately I have been "finding myself." I think it is so neat when you can see things in your life start to come together. I love basketball! I have always known this somewhere inside of me, but lately it has really started to take form. I have found amazing friends that want to play a couple times a week and I love that! I got the chance to coach a little girls team and that gave me some really good experience(especially considering I want to be a high school coach one day). Also, I love teaching. Through coaching I get to teach. I love to help people gain knowledge. I am really beginning to see why God put the desire in my heart for basketball, coaching, teaching, history, and oppressed people. All of these things are going to(and are already) work together in my life. God has given me the passion of each of these things I it is amazing to see how they are all are beginning to interact with one another. 

Speaking of oppression and my desire to help those in bad situations...In a little over a month some friends and I are going to be hanging out and sharing a meal with a bunch of people in Opelika. We want to break some social and cultural barriers that stop us from being friends with people who are different from us. Everyone needs their basic needs met: whether that means getting a meal or making a friend.....So through this picnic we want everyone to get  a little more of their needs met, at least for that day, and we hope to continue doing things like this in the future. 

On another note I have made some amazing friends in Auburn! I love them all so much and I am so thankful that they are in my life!

I know this blog is all over the place, but that's where I am right now. I have so many things I want to write about, but I just don't know how to express everything I am feeling. I just want to say that God is faithful and that he knows exactly what is going on. Often times I forget this, but He always finds a way to remind me. 

Pure Joy

I don't know if I can properly explain the amount of emotion I have gone through in the past couple of weeks. I started off this semester not feeling anything at all(which is a horrible place to be). My lack of emotion had been going on for quite awhile, but I was not ready to admit that to myself until about two weeks ago. I tried to cover it up by staying way too busy and constantly surrounding myself with people. Eventually I took on so much that I became overwhelmed and because of this I lost many hours of sleep. I never wanted to go to sleep , but I never wanted to wake up in the morning because my dreams seemed better than the reality that I was living.

 I can't even explain what this lack of emotion came from. I have gone through a lot of changes over the past year and maybe they  have just come from that. I also think that part of it was that God was hiding himself from me. I was at place where didn't even understand how to seek God out. I wanted to so badly in my mind, but I couldn't understand what it meant to want to seek God. So the more overwhelmed I got the more I beat myself up about not being able to feel, until one day I broke. Some stuff happened and I cried more than I had in a least six months combined. While crying, some friends made me laugh and at that moment I felt more emotion than I had in several months. Finally my feelings had returned! I was so excited, but it was not that easy. For the next couple of weeks I felt a lot of pain. I continued to be really hard on myself about all of the things that I was not doing or about things that I could not control. 

A couple days ago this changed. I started controlling my thoughts and through that I have found peace. I have constantly been reminding myself of Phillipians 4:8-9. It says, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." I am learning to think about things that are good and right and not to make up crazy scenarios about myself that cause me to think wrong thoughts. 

So today I have been reminded that it is PURE JOY to struggle because it is only through that that we truly grow.  

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Romance

The fleeting and suffering soul,

the gentle soul,

the fragrant soul of those divine lilies

which I gathered in the garden of your thoughts,

Whither have the winds forced it,

that adorable soul of the lilies?

Is there no fragrance remaining 

of the heavenly loveliness of those days 

when you enveloped me

in their supernatural mist

Fashioned of hope,

of faithful love,

of blessedness and peace?

These are the the English lyrics to a French song I am singing in women's chorus.It is called "Romace," by Claude Debussy. Today we were singing it with very little passion. It was as though none of us  knew what the song was really saying.  Dr. Powell stopped the class and had us discuss the lyrics. We talked about how Debussy was reminiscing about a time when everything was good between he and the one he loved. He was talking about what had gotten in the way of their love for one another and about how important it was for them to remember how great it was in the beginning so they could continue to love one another. The choir also discussed how we relate to this piece. We talked about how we have all been in a similar situation and from there Dr. Powell encouraged us to use the hurt we felt then and turn it into passion to sing. When we did this the song sounded amazing! It was so beautiful. It was really neat to hear how the notes and words complemented each other to bring about something incredibly beautiful. It was also very cool to hear how good a song could sound when it was sung with great passion. 

Why do I always let this happen?

So it has happened again. I have gotten myself way too involved! Part of me thrives off of this non-stop lifestyle, but the other part of me knows it is not good for me. I have over committed myself again and am not resting nearly as much as I should. I definitely want to be doing all of the things that I am, but it is hard to stay caught up on sleep and school work when you involved in too much. Sometimes it really sucks being interested in so many things! By the time I get home at night my body is so tired from going all day that I do not even want to do school work. My mind is generally okay at this point, but of course the fatigue my body is feeling begins to take a tole on my mind. As soon as I allow this to happen to my mind, I can no longer live presently. So the longer I let all of this go on, the more all of the things I am doing become things that I am just doing because I have to not because I want to anymore. At this point I am loosing the desire that I once had to do these things because I am so tired. WHY does this always happen? I thought I had learned, but apparently not. I have got to stop doing and take time rest. I am working on fixing this. I am working on figuring out how to decided what is really important for me to be doing and what is not. Sometimes being an adult sucks. I really would just love to go back to being a kid and being fairly carefree. 

RUNNING!

So if you don't know I am running a 10k(6.2 miles) in February. I started running with a friend, this week, who ran cross country in high school and for a year in college. She has already helped me so much in only three days! Today we ran almost four miles. I have never run that far before. I never thought I could run that far before. When we got to around the two mile mark I started to feel the endorphins kick in. I really felt good at that moment. I was just running. Nothing else. Not thinking about anything, but running and that was a great feeling!  I am incredibly thankful to Megan for pushing me and encouraging me to get better. Four miles might not be a big deal to some people, but for me it is a huge accomplishment and I am so excited to continue the training!