He Will Do It

Today marks exactly one week before Picnic in the Park. It has been such a larger project than I could have ever imagined. I've never been in charge of anything like this. I've never had an idea about something like this and tried to carry it out. It's a scary thing. It's a scary thing not knowing for sure how many people will come, how many people will volunteer, and if we will get enough food. God is teaching me to trust him. Right now that is the only thing I can do. 

On one hand some amazing things have happened during the planning for this. A guy Jill and I work with generously decided to donate 200 hot dogs and 100 hamburgers!! Also, I have had some amazing people to work with. Several friends have jumped on board with this idea and done so much. I am so thankful for them. There is no way this could have happened without them.

On the other hand I have been a little disappointed in some things while planning this picnic. I feel disappointed in the church. I contacted several local churches and christian organizations and no one even responded. I thought for sure that if someone would be willing to help with this it would be Christ followers. I guess I was wrong. Or maybe they just had other things going on(which I completely understand), but I just thought someone, anyone, would respond. Once again, I think God is trying to teach me to trust him. 

I often find myself worrying about this (because that is what I do), but I am constantly being reminded that God is in control. He is going to provide exactly what we need. He always does and he always will. This morning I was talking to Jill about it and she said she thinks food is just going to fall out of heaven. I think she said it half way jokingly, but she is right. God can do anything! Who am I to doubt that?!

Commit your way to the LORD,Trust also in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:5

Spring Break 2009...Skeeeeeeeeeeweek!!

My spring break did not start off the way I thought it would. Collin and I were planning a trip to Oregon to see Steve and Chelsea. Really late Thursday night Collin texted me and I found out that we were not going to be able to go. I was really sad. My spring break plans got cancelled the day before spring break started. Boo. I was not looking forward to the break too much after that, but that all changed after Friday night. A bunch of friends came over to my house to eat and watch the basketball game. It was such a good time. We played mad gab, watched the game, played and sang music really loud, and had some good conversation. It was an amazing night! Also that night I found out for sure that I could go to the beach with some friends.

So, Monday morning Kyle, Zeke, Cole, Lizzie, and I left for Bo's house in Ft. Walton. I don't know that I stopped laughing the entire time we were gone. The beach was great and we had a ton of fun together. As soon as everyone left each other I was already missing them a lot!(We actually made plans 3 hours after leaving one another to hang out today...haha) So, thus far I have had a really great spring break even though I thought it would not be so good. I am really excited to see what the rest of the week holds when Lizzie, Mrs. Wright, my mom, and I go back to the beach!!

Life as of Late

Can I just say that life is AMAZING right now? There are so many great things going on! 

Lent started last week. It is not only a time of fasting, but a time of being intentional about sharing Christ(we are to be doing this all the time anyway) and about spending time in prayer. Last week I went to an Ash Wednesday service. It was beautiful. There were lots of traditions that played a part in that service. When tradition is done with the right intentions I think it is one of the most beautiful things! During the service I felt such a deep connection with those around me. That service marked the start of forty days of really trying to deepen our relationships with Christ. It was amazing to be around so many people that wanted the same thing! I was very encouraged. Where I go to church we have been sharing in our lent experiences together. We have  a blog going where we can all study part of God's word together. I really feel that this is what the church is supposed to be. It is about people 

coming together in person, on facebook, via blogs, or through random texts messages and sharing in the journey of being a follower of Christ. I am really looking forward to the next thirty or so days!

Lately I have been "finding myself." I think it is so neat when you can see things in your life start to come together. I love basketball! I have always known this somewhere inside of me, but lately it has really started to take form. I have found amazing friends that want to play a couple times a week and I love that! I got the chance to coach a little girls team and that gave me some really good experience(especially considering I want to be a high school coach one day). Also, I love teaching. Through coaching I get to teach. I love to help people gain knowledge. I am really beginning to see why God put the desire in my heart for basketball, coaching, teaching, history, and oppressed people. All of these things are going to(and are already) work together in my life. God has given me the passion of each of these things I it is amazing to see how they are all are beginning to interact with one another. 

Speaking of oppression and my desire to help those in bad situations...In a little over a month some friends and I are going to be hanging out and sharing a meal with a bunch of people in Opelika. We want to break some social and cultural barriers that stop us from being friends with people who are different from us. Everyone needs their basic needs met: whether that means getting a meal or making a friend.....So through this picnic we want everyone to get  a little more of their needs met, at least for that day, and we hope to continue doing things like this in the future. 

On another note I have made some amazing friends in Auburn! I love them all so much and I am so thankful that they are in my life!

I know this blog is all over the place, but that's where I am right now. I have so many things I want to write about, but I just don't know how to express everything I am feeling. I just want to say that God is faithful and that he knows exactly what is going on. Often times I forget this, but He always finds a way to remind me. 

Pure Joy

I don't know if I can properly explain the amount of emotion I have gone through in the past couple of weeks. I started off this semester not feeling anything at all(which is a horrible place to be). My lack of emotion had been going on for quite awhile, but I was not ready to admit that to myself until about two weeks ago. I tried to cover it up by staying way too busy and constantly surrounding myself with people. Eventually I took on so much that I became overwhelmed and because of this I lost many hours of sleep. I never wanted to go to sleep , but I never wanted to wake up in the morning because my dreams seemed better than the reality that I was living.

 I can't even explain what this lack of emotion came from. I have gone through a lot of changes over the past year and maybe they  have just come from that. I also think that part of it was that God was hiding himself from me. I was at place where didn't even understand how to seek God out. I wanted to so badly in my mind, but I couldn't understand what it meant to want to seek God. So the more overwhelmed I got the more I beat myself up about not being able to feel, until one day I broke. Some stuff happened and I cried more than I had in a least six months combined. While crying, some friends made me laugh and at that moment I felt more emotion than I had in several months. Finally my feelings had returned! I was so excited, but it was not that easy. For the next couple of weeks I felt a lot of pain. I continued to be really hard on myself about all of the things that I was not doing or about things that I could not control. 

A couple days ago this changed. I started controlling my thoughts and through that I have found peace. I have constantly been reminding myself of Phillipians 4:8-9. It says, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you." I am learning to think about things that are good and right and not to make up crazy scenarios about myself that cause me to think wrong thoughts. 

So today I have been reminded that it is PURE JOY to struggle because it is only through that that we truly grow.  

 Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. James 1:2-4

Romance

The fleeting and suffering soul,

the gentle soul,

the fragrant soul of those divine lilies

which I gathered in the garden of your thoughts,

Whither have the winds forced it,

that adorable soul of the lilies?

Is there no fragrance remaining 

of the heavenly loveliness of those days 

when you enveloped me

in their supernatural mist

Fashioned of hope,

of faithful love,

of blessedness and peace?

These are the the English lyrics to a French song I am singing in women's chorus.It is called "Romace," by Claude Debussy. Today we were singing it with very little passion. It was as though none of us  knew what the song was really saying.  Dr. Powell stopped the class and had us discuss the lyrics. We talked about how Debussy was reminiscing about a time when everything was good between he and the one he loved. He was talking about what had gotten in the way of their love for one another and about how important it was for them to remember how great it was in the beginning so they could continue to love one another. The choir also discussed how we relate to this piece. We talked about how we have all been in a similar situation and from there Dr. Powell encouraged us to use the hurt we felt then and turn it into passion to sing. When we did this the song sounded amazing! It was so beautiful. It was really neat to hear how the notes and words complemented each other to bring about something incredibly beautiful. It was also very cool to hear how good a song could sound when it was sung with great passion. 

Why do I always let this happen?

So it has happened again. I have gotten myself way too involved! Part of me thrives off of this non-stop lifestyle, but the other part of me knows it is not good for me. I have over committed myself again and am not resting nearly as much as I should. I definitely want to be doing all of the things that I am, but it is hard to stay caught up on sleep and school work when you involved in too much. Sometimes it really sucks being interested in so many things! By the time I get home at night my body is so tired from going all day that I do not even want to do school work. My mind is generally okay at this point, but of course the fatigue my body is feeling begins to take a tole on my mind. As soon as I allow this to happen to my mind, I can no longer live presently. So the longer I let all of this go on, the more all of the things I am doing become things that I am just doing because I have to not because I want to anymore. At this point I am loosing the desire that I once had to do these things because I am so tired. WHY does this always happen? I thought I had learned, but apparently not. I have got to stop doing and take time rest. I am working on fixing this. I am working on figuring out how to decided what is really important for me to be doing and what is not. Sometimes being an adult sucks. I really would just love to go back to being a kid and being fairly carefree. 

RUNNING!

So if you don't know I am running a 10k(6.2 miles) in February. I started running with a friend, this week, who ran cross country in high school and for a year in college. She has already helped me so much in only three days! Today we ran almost four miles. I have never run that far before. I never thought I could run that far before. When we got to around the two mile mark I started to feel the endorphins kick in. I really felt good at that moment. I was just running. Nothing else. Not thinking about anything, but running and that was a great feeling!  I am incredibly thankful to Megan for pushing me and encouraging me to get better. Four miles might not be a big deal to some people, but for me it is a huge accomplishment and I am so excited to continue the training!